Alex Phillimore: (alex.phillimore-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2014-01-11 04:58:36
The Blizzard Conspiracy - A Storm is Coming
Some weather boffins are claiming that the terrifyingly cold conditions of Storm Hercules in the United States are because of some sort of climate change or 'polar vortex', but, as always, I know better. After all, who stands to gain the most from these horrific conditions? Who will weather any storm in order to keep their titan-of-a-game exposed and with its still-Olympian amount of players? I speak, of course, of Blizzard Entertainment and their behemoth World of Warcraft.
It was almost the perfect plan - manufacture a storm by using their immense wealth to fiddle with the weather in order to replicate the conditions seen in The Frozen Throne. Then, when everyone is cooped up within their homes, shivering and avoiding the frostbite and the wrath of the Lich King himself, they'll spend more time on WoW than ever before out of boredom and fear.
But that's not all - when they Google the conditions right outside their front door, covering their world in a blanket of painful snow, they'll be in for a big surprise. Because when they enter 'blizzard' into the popular search engine, perhaps in the desperate hope they'll find some information about Storm Hercules and its gargantuan influence, they'll be directed to Blizzard Entertainment's website, giving the gaming company page hit after page hit. Already, in the past two weeks, Blizzard's website has experienced a record-number of clicks - more potential players to take the blatantly-advertised free trial and get addicted to Azeroth's many wonders.
In this difficult and uncertain time, where scientists battle politicians over what may have caused this infamous cold snap, Blizzard Entertainment has found a way to capitalize on this hazard for their own private gain. Some would call it tasteless to do so, but as a pragmatic business decision, their methods cannot be faulted. There are dark, weather-changing powers at work at Blizzard Entertainment, and I can only warn people to stay in their homes and brace themselves - if you thought Storm Hercules was bad, wait until you see Storm Arthas.
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