The Year of Luigi

Alex Phillimore Alex Phillimore: (alex.phillimore-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2014-01-19 04:28:13

The Year of Luigi

Kirby: "My name is Kirby and I suck."

Sackboy: "Kirby, don't be so hard on yourself, man!"

Kirby: "No, I mean, I literally suck things up. Into my mouth."

Gordon Freeman: "Well, why do you do that, Kirbs?"

Kirby: "I can't help it, Gordy; it's in-built into my code, like how Link can't speak but can just make guttural throat noises."


Kirby: "Exactly, Link. We're all built with a certain code that defines who we are. It's just a shame that mine involves sucking..."

Ness: "Could be worse, kid."

Kirby: "N-Ness?"

Ness: *Exhales a smoke cloud from his cigar* "-Could be like Mario."

Kirby: "Yeah...thinking about it, what happened to him? He used to come every week, but now..."

Ness: "Gave it up. Gave it all up. Got tired of it. Went back to fixing bathrooms."

Kirby: "He went against his code?"

Ness: "Nope - he reprogrammed himself. Now he's coded to be a plumber, like it was always meant to be."

Kirby: "How is he finding it?"

Ness: "It ain't good, Kirby, I ain't gonna lie. Man's in pieces - his girlfriend left him and his brother stayed in the game. They don't talk no more."

Kirby: "Luigi, huh?"

Ness: "Yeah - once Mario left the game, fame went to Luigi's head. He started going on about the 'Year of Luigi' and starring in all the games. He even got a medical degree - demands people call him 'Dr Luigi'."

Kirby: "Talk about over-exposure..."

Ness: "Yeah...and then there's us, who no one ever talks about. Gordon ain't appeared in a game for like a decade; I ain't been given anything outside of that Smash Bros. appearance and an Earthbound re-release. I can't find work. We're the forgotten Nintendo heroes, Kirby. Mark my words: we ain't ever gonna get out of this rut."

Kirby: "...Uh..."

Ness: "What's wrong, Kirby?"

Kirby: "Don't get mad, guys, but I've kinda got a gig..."

All: "What?"

Kirby: "Y-Yeah. I'm appearing in...gulp...Kirby: Triple Deluxe this year."

All: "!!!!!!!!!!"

Kirby: "G-Guys? GUYS? What are you doing? N-No! Don't kick me out of the gang! I'm still under-appreciated, I promise! Guys? GUYYYYYYSSSS?"

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