Alex Phillimore: (alex.phillimore-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2014-02-15 10:40:12
New Findings Suggest that Xbox One is the Number 1 Cause of Cancer
We all know how prevalent cancer is and how efforts must be made to eradicate it. However, I do feel as if scientists may be looking in the wrong places when trying to work out reasons for why cancer occurs in the body. Sure, medical-types will tell you that cancer can be caused by diet, or environment, or stress, or work, or any number of other unavoidable circumstances. What they won't tell you, though, is that video games can cause cancer - the biggest offender being the Xbox One.
In a detailed academic thesis, a representative from the Medical Institution of Death Awareness (MIDA) weighs in on a discussion about cancer and outlines how Microsoft's latest console is the number 1 cause of it. The abstract of the paper can be found below:
As the above abstract points out, the essay observes how the consumer market, represented by the Xbox One, is used to brainwash people - and that cancer is the unfortunate result. This detailed study of the consumer market is a formidable read, delving into consumer purchasing habits and using detailed market research to create analytical quantitative data.
MIDA's representatives are confident that Xbox Ones are responsible for the growing number of people developing cancer, and their evidence, as outlined in the abstract and the full paper, is difficult to refute. I can only hope that the funding bodies behind cancer research will move away from all of their bullshit theories about radiation and sedentary lifestyles causing cancer and instead focus on the Xbox One's vile existence compounding the spread of the disease.