<i>Zelda & Sonic</i> Crossover

Alex Phillimore Alex Phillimore: (alex.phillimore-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2014-03-27 07:56:37

Zelda & Sonic Crossover

Yesterday Nintendo and Sega announced that new DLC will be released for Sonic Lost World. This is a dramatic change of tune, as they previously announced at the beginning of February that the Eggman Origins DLC had been cancelled. Now they're coming out with a crossover between Sonic and The Legend of Zelda. How can this be explained? A glitch in the Matrix? Or is there something more sinister going on here?

A press release put out by both companies reads as follows:

"Sonic is back like you've never seen him before! On 28 March Nintendo & Sega will be releasing Sonic: A Link between Worlds, a brand new Sonic adventure where players will be able to touch his cheeks and kiss his beautiful face. That's right - Sonic is becoming a real boy, like a Dirty Pinocchio, and don't worry; our noses aren't growing when we tell you that this will be his sickest adventure yet."

This decision stinks of both parties selling out. Rather than explore Eggman's past and provide the character with some much-needed development, both companies are happy to keep us in the dark about such things in favour of a game where Sonic gets to run around Hyrule dating the women of Castle Town in what is possibly the most bloated use of fanservice imaginable. Just look at that image up there of how Sonic will appear in the new DLC - humanised, like in some fourteen year old's fan-fiction.

Sonic, what happened to you, man? You used to be the Belle of the Ball - now you're nothing. You aren't meant to be collecting rupees, man - you're supposed to be stockpiling rings like a greedy jeweller. The whole point of the new DLC is to try and woo famous Zelda characters such as Saria, Zelda, Brother Lon Lon and Tingle. It's even worse than Amy Rose's Bush - at least that game saw players wooing the same species as Sonic. Not content to bang only hedgehogs, the blue blur has now moved on to Hyrulians - where will it end?

When he starts unzipping in the Mushroom Kingdom, I'm out.

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