Are You Jealous of My $3 Million-A-Year Paycheck?


Alex Phillimore Alex Phillimore: (alex.phillimore-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2014-06-20 06:47:48

Are You Jealous of My $3 Million-A-Year Paycheck?


For those of you who don't know - and I don't understand how that would be possible at this stage - I'm a Youtube Celebrity. As a Youtube Celebrity, I'm the kind of person you should be paying attention to - especially because A) I'm richer than you're ever going to be and B) I have a wide variety of specialist skills that you'll never come close to having.

I make more money than doctors, lawyers, forensic scientists and astronauts. Business magnates cower in my shadow. The police, ambulance and fire services bow down to me because I earn more than all of them. And how do I do this, I hear you ask? By working harder than each and every one of those lazy 'professionals', with their degrees and their so-called 'careers'. My routine is incredibly stressful. Every day I am forced to:

- Climb out of bed super early - between 10-12am.

- Mass-delete all the messages in my inbox from annoying people thinking I'm their friend

- Get some brunch while I wait for the mail to show up - my new professional, film-quality camera, paid for by ad revenue

- Mass-delete all the messages in my inbox from annoying people thinking I'm their friend

- Set up my recording equipment (this is so arduous and stressful)

- Play video games for five to six hours on the couch (it is very stressful doing this every day)

- Record myself while playing - mumbling, screaming, ad-libbing, laughing

- Mass-delete all the messages in my inbox from annoying people thinking I'm their friend

- Chop the recorded footage into 10 minute videos (to maximise the views I receive over multiple videos)

- Mass-delete all the messages in my inbox from annoying people thinking I'm their friend

- Upload the videos to Youtube

- Mass-delete all the messages in my inbox from annoying people thinking I'm their friend

- Check my bank account and scan my eyes over the seven figure salary

- Make a personal video for my separate Youtube account about how difficult it is doing what I do

What a stressful life I lead, on the front line marching into Digital No Man's Land (but not Physical, because sunlight hurts my skin).

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