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Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2007-07-09 09:12:55

Yep, I Beat Them Off With a Stick


So yeah, I actually did that way back when. I'd just been dating my wife-to-be for a few months, and I panicked when a girl gave me her number, because I'd finally found a relationship that was important to me.

After I got married, I found that skanks dig the wedding ring. It apparently functions as some sort of seal of approval. I then stopped wearing my ring, because I'm allergic to it - it eats my flesh. Then I found out a dog scores you even more phone numbers. Take one to the dog park; it's an absolute meat market there. And then I had my boy. Since I don't wear my ring, I get attention from single moms when I'm out with him. Be careful out there; women are predators. I feel much safer when my wife is around to guard me.

I played Prey on the Xbox 360 awhile back. With so many great shooters on the system, I recommend looking elsewhere. It's not that it's terrible; Prey is a competent game with some interesting twists. The problem is that it felt like a watered down version of Half-Life. Instead of playing a physicist mucking around with aliens, you're a Native American mucking around with aliens. Oh, and you start with a wrench instead of a crowbar. Prey tries to mess with your head with portals (sometimes you can see yourself entering one from another angle) and changing the pull of gravity. There are even walkways that let you stride up walls just like the magnetic strips from Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

There are a lot of puzzles impeding your progress, and they mostly serve to stifle the action. Most of them involve using a "spirit walk" ability to leave your body to access areas you normally can't reach. Related to this, when you die, it doesn't return you to a checkpoint. Instead, you fight your way back from the spirit world.

There are some neat ideas in Prey, but the execution is merely passable. You could throw a rock in a game store and hit half a dozen 360 shooters that play better. If you've played them all, and you must try out Prey, it doesn't suck.

Prey - Rank C



Now Playing - Resident Evil 4 (Wii)

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