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Achievements Are Gay

Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2008-02-22 07:28:47

Over the Rainbow

That's the actual name of the achievement in the upcoming 360 version of Bully. It was a notable game for the PlayStation 2, and the port doesn't particularly look like a "next-gen" title. Nevertheless, if you never played it, you should consider picking it up when it releases on March 3rd. I'd be surprised if I didn't end up rating it a solid Rank B.

There was some minor controversy in the original release when it became known that the protagonist, Jimmy, could smooch boys if the player was so inclined. After they released the achievements list for the 360 version, nerdcore panic attacks lit up various forums with the refrain, "I don't want to be gay!" Well boys, then don't do the achievement. "I don't want to stop at 980 points!" Well then, just do the achievement. It won't actually make you gay. When you play Tomb Raider, do you worry that you're a tranny? Are you worried that people will see that you knocked out the "Over the Rainbow" achievement and call you gay? If you're worried about that, I don't see how you ever log onto Xbox Live anyhow.

There's another upcoming game that I'm somewhat enthused about: Army of Two. This was supposed to see release some time ago, and review copies were even circulating, but Electronic Arts had the good sense to realize that it was subpar, and pushed it back in order to give the development team time to polish it up. EA has been the target of gamer ire in the past, for continually dumping shovelware on us. Slapping a new roster onto Madden or skinning a few new cars in Need For Speed and charging full retail for a new iteration every year was pretty much a smack to the face. "You know you're gonna buy it, so pay up bitch!"

It took huevos to scrap the massive (expensive) marketing campaign that was ramping up to peak with the original release window. Investor pressure used to result in forcing half-baked products to ship in order to meet the bottom line. This was extremely shortsighted, and it's good to see that EA is realizing that putting out quality will garner them better profits. If they want any hope of turning Army of Two into a franchise, it had better grab us from day one.

This game is clearly meant to be played online with a friend. You need to grab your Army of Two frag buddy - find someone to get the game with when it releases on March 4th. I'm not entirely confident that it'll be a killer game, but the extra time probably made it worth playing. Between the action, juvenile humor, and topical commentary on the tens of thousands of PMCs ("private military contractors", a euphemism for mercenary) currently hired by our government, I'm definitely going to give it an open-minded chance.

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