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Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2005-12-30 01:46:26

Unicorns Are More Believable


"Critical Thinking" or some such equivalent is a required course for any university degree, in which professors attempt to hammer students into questioning assumptions and dissecting paradigms, in a quest to unearth objective truths. It's a difficult and arduous process that often requires the cross-section of a highly trained mind, years of effort, and the random spark of clarity to successfully "think outside the box". In today's strip, I give you one such jewel of cognition.

If you're further interested in my piercing intellect, I've also unraveled a great historical mystery. Some people have wondered how England, a tiny island nation with scant resources, managed to assemble the vastest empire the world has ever seen. The answer, my friends, is tea.

The British need for tea, is pathological, and cannot be denied. There exists some deep-seated vampiric urgency in the English genetic makeup that nothing save tea can sate. Unfortunately, tea leaves do not grow in England. So they set sail in search of tea. They formed colonies in the New World, but tea was not to be found. A great mercantile fleet assembled, to search further, and to fund vaster fleets, in order to search further yet for tea. Thus was born the vaunted British navy.

British colonies erupted around the world! Tea was not to be found in Africa, so they initiated the slave trade, to finance additional tea expeditions. Australia yielded no tea, so they figured, "Drat, well since it's an island, we might as well dump the bloody prisoners!"

Finally, the British seized India: oft referred to as the crown jewel of Her Majesty's Empire, for she offered an endless bounty of tea. And with that, British expansion came to an end. England's dominion over India was relinquished only when modern economic climes guaranteed a steady flow of inexpensive, quality tea to all the corners of the world, and the entire Empire unraveled.

Sheer genius. I should pursue doctorates in Biology and History with these penetrating observations.

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