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Smooth Biggs

Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2009-03-06 08:30:53

Biggs Needs Numchuck Skills

Do you remember what the world was like before Bluetooth earpieces? If you saw someone walking down the street talking to themselves, you knew they were crazy. This is a simple rule of thumb that has held valid throughout the breadth of human history. As the tenets that bind our world together in sensibility continue to crumble, I find myself thrown by the unraveling chaos. I was strolling to the store when I was accosted by a dude who had been talking to himself. Turns out, he had no earpiece, and we had a sudden and vociferous impromptu debate about the merits of stuffing doughnuts with lamb chops. In retrospect, the really crazy part is that I think he may have held the superior position.

I bet Biggs could've scored that chick if he had numchuck skills. Like this guy:

Sadly, Biggs' numchuck skills are more like this:

Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2009-03-05 00:07:21

Diplomacy II - Spring 1903 (updated with retreats)

The images below depict the latest states of the board. Larger versions are available for viewing by clicking on them.

Play the home version by following these forum threads!

England continues to roll. He smashed the German fleet to bits, and Kiel is likely to fly the Union Jack next turn. He even received Russian contingency support; England thus far has "Finlandized" Russia this game. England's tactical positionings seem curious to me, but they don't appear damaging to British interests, and he's clearly done well in the all-crucial diplomatic aspect of the game. England is in the best position of the seven nations, with numerous opportunities for growth.

France broke the Italian position in the Mediterranean, and is positioned to wrest Tunisia away. Hopefully, for France, this is the first step in conquering Italy, as he needs to keep pace with England. In the north, the tenuous peace with England continues, but their respective national interests are on a slow collision course, like mighty glaciers. We can safely assume from prior troop orders that France had its eyes on Munich, but Austria recently encircled it, complicating continental matters. The bones of Germany are a flashpoint waiting to ignite.

Barring a French tactical blunder, Italy will lose Tunisia this coming turn. Her only reasonable hope is to reverse her political isolation. She needs England and the remains of Germany to invade France. At this desperate point, Italy could even be considering trying to stab Austria for Trieste to supply her units. Unfortunately, opening another front just might be suicide.

Austria had a terrible turn. It's like he had a two-part checklist for how to most spectacularly flub it, in order to most effectively squander his resources. (Sorry Vargas, you asked me to pull no punches! ;) He lost Bulgaria, but he couldn't prevent that. He had made a quick treacherous stab to gain it in the first place, and I erroneously assumed that this was for the extra firepower to push a focused agenda. Instead, he botched the attack on Rumania (a tactical error of sending in the wrong assault force), and simultaneously fanned out his reserves in the wrong direction. England and France continue their march, and Austria just went backward in the geopolitical race. Austria needs to refocus his strategy and attempt to regain lost momentum if he wishes to remain among the preeminent powers.

Turkey finally seems to have straightened its agenda, and retook Bulgaria with Russian assistance. His fleet finally has an opportunity to take to the seas, where it could do some damage. With a reasonable chance of building a new unit next turn, we'll have to wait and see if Turkey will be able to exert a meaningful impact on this game.

Russia (along with Austrian cooperation) has apparently stymied the Austrian offensive, at the cost of mortgaging his northern front. He has focused all of his attention on Austria, even to the extent of retracting his army from St. Petersburg. I'm sure England is vigorously eyeing Sweden and St. Petersburg. The Russian position is unenviable, but if Austrian ambitions are in fact neutralized, he might be able to regather himself and attempt to swing back to the offensive.

Germany is about to get demolished. Their only hope is to play the other powers against each other, and attempt to shape the course of this game's history. He can still play kingmaker, but only if he sows enough distrust, Loki-style!

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