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Dante's Inferno

Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2009-06-15 09:18:34

This is like Michael Bay doing a film adaptation of MacBeth (don't you fucking DARE say that would be cool!)

There are four names that serve as the pillars of Western literature: Homer, Virgil, Shakespeare, and Dante. Today's strip consists of some of the ideas that floated through my head when I first heard about this game.

Start with epic poetry that explores religious mythology via a tour of hell, add in several portions of God of War-esque mindless extravagance, and you get this flaming immodesty:

Whatever. As long as it's a fun game, they could call it Curious George and the Scythe of Damnation and I'd still play it. The funny thing is that EA's marketing arm tried this stunt. They had actors posing as Catholic activists protesting the game. Cute. Only the craziest of religious fanatics could find offense here. As good as The Divine Comedy is, Dante essentially produced a massive tome of fanfic. In it, Virgil takes Dante on a tour through hell, meeting luminaries such as Socrates and Aristotle. Today, this would be like if Dan Brown wrote a Harry Potter novel where he cruises with Stanley Kubrick to go chill with Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin. (If Dan Brown weren't a shitty writer, that is.) It's not canonical, and I mean that in the O.G. "This is not SCRIPTURAL CANON." The Inferno was already pretty goofy to begin with.

Now here's the real irony. REAL Catholics found this FAKE protest offensive. It sounds like they took umbrage at the fact that the mock protest implied that they didn't have a sense of humor. Way to prove yourselves...

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David Kang David Kang: (ktuna717-deleteme[at]-deleteme-yahoo [dot] com) 2009-06-13 15:58:02

Diplomacy III - Fall 1905 (updated with retreats, disbands, and builds)

Note that the Austrian vessel in the first picture ought to be in the Ionian Sea, not the Aegean. It has been corrected in the update.

England - Making the best out of a poor situation, Vargas took BEL while losing BRE. Also, a wary deal seems to have been struck with Russia as they coordinated an attack to reclaim DEN while finding a disagreement about BAR. England's prospects of victory are gone, but he can make finish strong and cap off a pretty well played game.

France - I have to include them since they actually liberated MAR. If they can actually hold onto POR as well next year, they will get an improbable build. Personally, I'm rooting for it, vive le France!

Germany - Ouch! Steve is now everyone-teamed and is being attacked on all sides. The Austrian stab into MUN will be difficult to recover from as the advance has defensive support. With Austria choosing Russia over Germany for the end game, the future looks bleak for the Kaiser. English support may not even be possible at this point with the recent stab. Germany will need a real rabbit out of the hat to survive this turn of events.

Italy - After resisting Austrian conquest for one year, Italy has truly abandoned the homeland. The best prospect for privateer hilarity comes from Fleet MAO who can roll up the backside of England. However, in a rush to get into the MAO, Bill forgot to flip POR into an Italian pirate base!

Austria - The "stab" last turn was no stab at all. I couldn't say it last turn out of confidentiality, but it cleanly set up the real stab into the kidney of Germany. MUN has fallen; arguably considered the singlemost important province on the board, and the Anschluss with it. Austrian relations with Russia is ironclad solid and the two nations look to run the board. With ample fleets and expansion room, it will not be long until Austrian hegemony must be recognized. At this point in the game, the only way to stop Austria is for everyone else to gang up on the Hapsburgs.

Russia - Linda carried out her part of the "stab" drama effectively and renewed her offensive into Germany with her Austrian BFF. This time, odds are she'll carry out the offensive since Austria has taken the lead attack and also out of sheer law of probability (she's due!). However, Russia lags far behind the arms race to 18 and there is no open expansion route to victory that can outpace Austria's route. If Linda wants to win, her BFF will need to be knocked down a few notches.

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