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Sexy Vader

Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2006-02-08 09:09:46

Luke, I'm Your Father. No reaaaly, you haaave to belieeeeve me!

Darth Vader used to be the epitome of badass villainy. From the moment he first set foot on that "consular ship" we knew that he was The Man. We're talking Alexander the Great would ask for his autograph. Genghis Khan would fetch his slippers. Megatron dreams of being his sidearm.

This was before the prequels. Now we know where Luke gets that whininess from. "Prequel Anakin" thoroughly clashes with the image of him I had as a kid. When the Star Wars backstory first coalesced in the collective geek consciousness, Anakin was a slick pilot, and a headstrong, confident Jedi. He was quick to lose his temper, and quicker to flash a cocky grin. There's no way he'd scowl like a schoolgirl without a homecoming date. Most of all, he'd never ever wallow in doubt and self-pity, pouting like a bitch. We're talking about a dude whose very semen was so potent in the Force, that his offspring would rock the galaxy.

And now we have this retarded Special Special Edition DVD of Return of the Jedi, where Hayden Christensen has been spliced in with Yoda and Obi-Won in the end sequence. /spit. In order for me to not hate Star Wars forever, I've had to rationalize Episodes I-III and Special Edition alterations away as fan fiction. Artoo does not have rocket jets, midichlorians do not exist, and Han shot first.

Join me, friends, and bring order to the galaxy!

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