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Fuckin' Pusshies

David Vargas David Vargas: (dave-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2010-05-14 02:38:16

Ghost and Goblins

Paul (the writer for Squishy Comics)and I covered for Dee today to give him a small breather from his rough work schedule.

This strip came about after Paul, our buddy Kang, and I had a chat about really hard NES games. Bill and Lance from Contra came up, but those two had the Konami code to play through the game with thirty lives each. Simon Belmont from Castlevania had to beat a bunch of Universal Studios rejects with a whip, kill Dracula, and then revive him (in Castlevania II) so he could kill him again. Megaman had to deal with Wily's robots in every game, and he was always underpowered when stacked against any of Wily's robot bosses. We went on and on until we got to Arthur from Ghost and Goblins.

Ghost and Goblins was HARD. I mean REALLY HARD. I mean "put your fist through a wall, break the TV, then run screaming like a madman" HARD. For those of you who played through it, you can skip the rest, you know the pain. For those of you who never had the chance, let me tell you what you, as Arthur, would have been put through.

SATAN, not some warlock, or dark knight, but the Lord of Hell, kidnaps the love of your life. You set off to rescue her, facing down waves of undead hordes, ghouls, ghosts, trolls, goblins, and anything else that happened to move. You had shitty armor that could only take one hit, no real jumping ability, your weapon was a joke, and many power ups were actually WORSE than your basic weapon. With all these hurdles, you fought your way through a hellish gauntlet where the slightest mistake equaled death. You got to the end and fought SATAN only to find out the whole thing was a sham, a nightmare of SATAN'S creation where, if you died in the dream, you never woke up. After you woke up, you had to go through the whole thing AGAIN, only now the game was HARDER. If you could beat the game THIS time, then you would actually "win", if you could call it that.

Yes, I was one of the poor saps who actually powered through and beat the game twice, and all I can say now is this: fuck you, Ghost and Goblins, fuck you.

Dee Yun Dee Yun: (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2010-05-13 03:22:44

Diplomacy V - Fall 1910

Thanks for covering for me guys. But it's Ghosts 'n Goblins. Poser. ;)

Copy and pasted from last turn's commentary: "This game, already our longest, continues to grind interminably. The situation has not meaningfully changed since last turn. The powerful Franco-German confederation battles the Austro-Italian alliance, with the Russians harassing their rear."

Corollary: "1) A massively disproportionate number of Austro-Italian troops being tied down by that single Russian fleet in the Black Sea."

The single significant change since last turn is that Germany did his enemies something of a favor by eliminating the first of my "tipping points". By taking Warsaw, he gained a minor new asset in a new army, but in doing so, eliminated the Russian fleet that was giving the Austro-Italians fits. They can now retask ALL of those units to the primary front. Germany must now convert this strategic gain into tactical momentum before his enemies can do so.

Lesser observations are:

1) France and Italy fought each other to a standstill in the Mediterranean. That is one impressive logjam of ships.

2) Germany exchanged Galacia for Vienna. That is one impressive manjam of regiments.

3) France and Germany continue their little dance of distrust over the Belgium-Holland border.

So, to copy and paste yet again: "The Franco-German contingency has the advantage of numbers, and the Austro-Italian bloc possesses superior coordination." Any wagers on which breaks first?

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