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Why Polar Bears Are Dying

Dave Dave: (dave-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2008-06-02 02:02:34

But In Reality

... It was written out by Mike after we got back from lunch. Still, today's strip is a fairly accurate representation of how that little incident went down.

Dan Dan: (dan-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2008-06-02 06:04:05


I had a similar experience last week, here on the east coast. I looked outside the window at work and it's a bright beautiful blue day. I go out for lunch and it's still a bright beautiful blue day but it's raining like nobody's business. No clouds, bright sun, torrential rain. My co-worker Luis called it a sunshower. I called it a sign of the apocalypse.

Also, I just posted something. Another sign of the apocalypse.

We're screwed.

Mike Mike: (mike-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2008-06-02 10:43:02


Seriously. Consider this part 1 in my column. I don't read the news. I don't watch the news. I only listen to the news through people I work with, walk by, or eavesdrop on. It's all hearsay.

I heard a chunk of ice fell off a glacier in the Arctic. Since then I've noticed a lot of changes in the world... and it's fucked up.

First day I hear about this shit is a nice warm spring day in Downtown L.A.. We walk outside and to a restaurant for lunch. After lunch we leave and it's fuckin' COLD AND WINDY. All I can think... "that fuckin' chunk of ice Dave told me about".

Skip forward a month or so. I go to Humboldt County for graduation (Congrats, friends!) and intoxication. Now I lived there for 3 years and it probably rained.... 2 and a half of those years. The summers were cool and 70-75 on a daily basis. Oh but not since the chunk of fuckin' ice. I get off the plane and it's fucking 90 DEGREES! It was NEVER that hot there when I lived there! Never! I got goddamn sunburned.

I come back to my Los Angeles (almost) summer... and the event shown in the comic takes place. I seriously had to stop in the middle of the rain and yell that shit.

It's raining in L.A. (followed by the bursts of sunshine). There's a heat wave in Humboldt. The oceans are rising! THE POLAR BEARS ARE DYING! Cute furry polar bears!!! Seriously, the fuckin' Coke Bears are getting fucked in the face by this chunk of ice. That "Ice Cold Coca-Cola" shit is a thing of the past. "Enjoy a nice luke warm coca-cola. mmm mmmmmmm." Who the fuck is gonna be sipping on it if it's not the Polar Bears? I personally nominate a Koala. That'd be just as cute and less threatened by chunks of ice.

What the fuck is next? What else can the chunk of ice cause? Will Arturo have sex for the first time? Will the dead walk? Will Dr. House get a second case of Lupus????? This shit is important people! It's a sign of the changes to come!

I say we nuke the fuckin' chunk of ice from orbit... it's the only way to be sure.

Dee (David Yun) Dee (David Yun): (contact-deleteme[at]-deleteme-direman [dot] com) 2008-06-02 14:21:22


Not to rain on your hearsay, but the problem is the LACK of chunks of ice. Polar bears are drowning because there's no ice for them to chill on. The melted ice is causing sea levels to rise, and all that cold water is slamming into currents that aren't used to being so cold, causing weird weather fluctuations. I don't remember hurricanes and typhoons being this common when I was a kid. Something's the fuck up, that's for sure. It's almost enough to give Al "I invented the internet" Gore some credibility.

Mike Mike: (mike-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2008-06-02 14:35:44


Okay okay. The big chunk of ice fell off. It fucked the world up and made the weather go all retarded. Due to the down syndrome weather the ice gets all fucked up.... THUS POLAR BEARS ARE DYING!

It's still the ice chunk's fault. The ice chunk will now be known as Devil's Chunk of Ice (DCI). Wizards of the Coast, if you have a problem with the DCI being the end of the world... blow me.

Pro-Tour Magic Players... the Devil's Chunk of Ice is NOT the DCI that caused you to remain virgins.

Dave Dave: (dave-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2008-06-02 16:18:07

Just In Case

I can't tell if that Al Gore line is sarcastic or not. I'll go with "yes, it's sarcastic". But, just in case anyone else can't tell, or doesn't know, here's the link that indicates Al Gore never claimed to have invented the internets:


Dan Dan: (dan-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2008-06-03 13:29:13


Pandas are definitely a better mascot choice than Koalas.

Mike Mike: (mike-deleteme[at]-deleteme-squishycomics [dot] com) 2008-06-03 14:19:36


Fuck Pandas. Yeah they're cute... and when they sneeze it's epic... but fuck that. This shit is serious, son... you can't have China taking the credit for providing the environment for the new Coke animals. They're taking over the world already, don't give them Coke too...... fuckin' commie.

Koalas are safe... a buncha genetic ex-cons aren't gonna do anything besides get tanked while throwing another roo on the barbie. They're not taking over shit.

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